Weekend Recap 1

Weekend Recap 1...

This weekend was a blast. Spent Friday night having dinner with Michelle. She is so very good for my soul. I adore her and our friendship so much. She is one of those friends that even though you don't see each often you can pick up right where you left off. 

Saturday we celebrated boo's bday. We hung out in Newport. And we had a blast.  Watched football all day. Drank and laughed all day. 

Sunday I watched the chargers game in HB with my sis and rob. Loni and her friend came also. The chargers won and we advanced to the next round of playoffs. It was such a fabulous day. 

Today I'm playing hookie. Taking a "me" day. Gonna sleep a lil bit more and just take some down time for me. The past few weeks have been crazy so I need some mellow time. 

Moving on...

Moving on...

I choose forgiveness. I choose to forgive him and move on. I will not be hateful or hurtful anymore. I told him I forgive him and we can be friends. I've said all I want to say and now at this point I can't keep beating a dead horse. I care for him and that is hard to turn off. But at the end of the day I have to respect his relationship and stop talking about us. 

Today I move on. This has to stop now. It's not healthy for me anymore. 

Can't Sleep...

Can't Sleep

Sleep doesn't come easy to me right now. I find myself obsessing over Facebook, Instagram, and our text messages. Dissecting each word and trying to figure out what the fuck I missed. I still can't believe he chose someone else. I still can't believe it's been a week since I've seen him. I still can't believe I'll never see him again. 

Moving on is stupid hard... And even harder when there is unfinished business. In reality no one really did anything wrong and that is the hardest part. I put myself out there 100% and unfortunately he fell for someone else more than me. 

I just wanna be angry today. Angry that I'm second choice again. Angry that I have to pick up the pieces and fuckin start over again. Angry that I have to sleep alone. Angry that I have no one to spend holidays with. Angry that I have no one to wish a good night. Angry that I don't have Ryan as my snuggle partner. Angry that he will never hold my hand again. 

But I also know that someday I'll be someone's 1st choice. He will choose to hold my hand for the rest of his life. He will choose to kiss me every night. He will choose me to be his everything just as I will choose him. 

I wish Ryan all the best in life. And like I told him the other day I will never regret my time with him. Cause at the end of the day I guess he was part of my journey in finding my Mr. Right. 

Forgiveness

Forgive (Forgiveness) 

The definition of "forgive" reads - to stop feeling angry or resentful towards someone for an offense, flaw or mistake. 

People often say that granting forgiveness to someone is more for YOU then for them. While I do agree with that the act of forgiveness is hard for me. Especially hard for me right now. 

I met him about 6 weeks ago. I did not fall  for him immediately but after 2 or 3 dates I was smitten. He was 100% different than any of the other guys I've dated in my past. But I didn't care. I enjoyed his company - the way he made me laugh and the way he made me feel. I loved how comfortable we were together. And I loved the way we "fit" together when we were snuggling. 

And then out of the blue on 12/27/13 he ended things with me via text message. He was seeing someone else also and they decided to become exclusive. 

"I'm sorry Stacy. You're so amazing doll. I hate myself right now.  I've been talking to another girl that I've known for a long time and I'm so sorry. We are gonna try to be together exclusively.  Stacy, you're so beautiful, your smile is priceless. You are so smart and so successful. I'm so sorry. I really hate myself right now. I hate how this is all going down. I'm so sorry to do this via text. I didn't know what to do. Ugh I'm sorry Stacy. You are so perfect and deserve the world.  Please don't hate me." 

Um - what?!?  Is this really happening. That totally came out of left field.  

So now it's been a week or so since this all happened. I'm so upset. I still have so many unanswered questions and I guess I have to be ok with that. But now I'm at this crossroad - offering forgiveness for what he's done so I can move on. I'm not sure I want to forgive him yet but I do know that I want to be free of this horrible feeling. 

I'll never understand how this all happened or why!  I truly believe he made a big mistake letting me go. 

More to come ... 

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

What an amazing way to ring in the New Year.  I spent the evening with some of the closest people in my life.  We ate, drank, danced and laughed the night away.